Wednesday, May 28, 2008 @4:09 pm
It was raining awhile ago.
I haven't seen rain like that for awhile now.
It made me kind of emo,especially when I've a head full of unsorted out thoughts and emotions that's waiting to burst out.Plus,I had angsty/moody songs blasting into my ears at 14(volume's usually 11).And I was alone.
Walking in the rain made me feel better.At first,I was a little concious because obviously everyone else will think that you're nuts for walking in the rain.But something just helped overcome that fear and so I just walked across the roads in the rain (ok fine,jaywalked).I think there was this car that honked at me,probably afraid that I'll get knocked down or something.But I was long across the road when it honked.
Mood swung back to a moody one after I showered and sat down infront of my computer.I conclude that the internet is an evil place.
I seriously think that I read too much into things.Too much that it affects & overwhelms me like crazy.I'm beginning to think that what I initially thought of _____ is just a jaded view.Because I might be just deluding myself in my desperate attempt to make my life more interesting and to make me smile.I think when you delude yourself,it hurts as much as others hurting you.
and all the promises i made were so stupid...
I don't want to continue filling my mind with thoughts that are fake,like false hope.
Daddy God please just lead me on and out of here,this stage.
I really can't wait for the Sunday school camp,albeit the numbers are pathetic but I wanna spend some quiet on my own to really sort out my thoughts.I need an avenue to pour them out to,someone closer to home...
(Val,you've been really awesome and I love you for that!)
honestly i think,i loved you more
if that's possible i think i loved you more