every beat of my heart

Monday, August 13, 2007 @9:43 pm

rumor is she's some kind of dream

Mm..came back from chinese tuition not long ago.Quite tired and I burnt my tongue from the hot milo I drank.But it was good I guess.I managed to do two MCQ passages on my own and I got them correct. (=

Yesterday was weird.I really don't know what I was thinking nor what was running through my mind.
And after last night's late night telephone conversation with Denise that made me lose sleep,I guess I started to think about everything.I think its quite ironic why I'm suffering because it maybe what I've made it to be?
But despite everything,I thank God for this because its brought me back to the center of my world,Him.And really,its only God who loves me so much and knows every single little detail about me..

I'm still hurting.
I wrote a letter yesterday till late at night.I still haven't finished it but somehow I don't think I should send it to its desired recipient.I've stopped writing it completely and I guess,God's just telling me to not take matters into my own hands but to let Him take over.Its just the best thing to do at this point of time.I'm lost,confused and never in the right state of mind.

I'm envious.
I want to get out of this mess,but not alone,I want to get out with you.
Someone's problem got solved,I think, but mine still hasn't..Am I wanting too much too fast..?
I know God does things in His time and for our own good...But its just hard to not worry,to not think about it with no physical reassurance.

I've been busy,yes.So busy that one day,I nearly forgot everything.Every single little thing,right down to who you were.I got so scared but I couldn't pull myself out of the whirlwind.I'm scared that all this will dwindle down to nothing.

I feel like I'm clinging on too much.But what's the definition of not letting go and holding on too much?I don't know and can't define.I seem to be the only one who hurts.

I don't know what you want,what I should do.I regret not treasuring what I had.
Everyday I feel so lonely inside.I miss everything.

I need you to show me the way out,to lead me out.
Daddy God,it seems so strange.You're telling me to keep holding on (well,if its not my own misinterpretation,hopefully) and that everything will be ok,but I don't know what to do and nothing seems to be going right.I know I need to see better,to hear better to know what You want.But all I seem to get is silence.Maybe You're testing me to trust that You'll be faithful in this quiet.I don't know.

In other worlds,prelims are coming and I'm still not in a "die!Chiong study!" mood.
I got back my SS paper.Can't say that I was overjoyed but I'm really thankful to God for the grade He gave me.I really couldn't have asked for more.Praise God! (=

I need to kick myself into study-mode.God please help change my mindset!

"In everything God works for the good of those who love Him"-Romans 8:28
Help me understand,change me.

but no-one knows she cries herself to sleep